The heart of the matter.
Ah, where was I... yes, my soon-to-be wife. I resolved to become a Child like her, and be close to her. I just... wanted to hear her laugh, see her smile. The carnal pleasures, forget those... I was in love. I still am, as a certain woman is now reminding me. Hence the reason for this writing... this is my catharthis, the purification of my soul, if I have such a thing left.
I sought out the Priestess, shortly before weekly devotions. A not very remarkable woman, but for her eyes, looking through me, such as they did. Repressing a shiver, I requested, as contritely as I could, hiding my true desires, to become a Child. I recieved my coin, that symbol, that announcement of one's beliefs.
I found her, as I wore my coin proudly.The look on her face told me more than any poet or bard could: she loved me. For love I had become a Child. The Gods should have struck me down then and there for the blasphemy, or at least Elbahn should have.
After some intense negotiations with the heads of the households, we were allowed to marry. I remember Caernwhyn-radu saying something about how this marriage was great politically, and how well-bred her family was, but all I could focus on was his answer: yes. The preparations, the gifts, all of it, are blank for me. All I remember was knowing the union was completed, and that we were together at last.
Me and Wendiharan the Tenth... ironic, for she was the most unique woman I had ever known. We had four years together. Four years in a daze, lving my life by instinct, all to return home to her. I travelled I think. I sold, I cajoled, I stole, and traded secrets. All I do remember is stepping off the carriage, and seeing her there, waiting for me.
Then that last trip. For some reason I remember every detail, but those do not pertain to this recollection. I was young then, not even a real adult yet. I had thought so many false things about Tyen society, but in that last trip I saw something different, that had been there the entire time. I saw heroics and sacrifice. I wish I had not.
I curse the fact that she had been born a good woman, and now I wish in those last moments in her life, that she had chosen to be selfish, and cruel. But it was not in her, and Caernwhyn-radu lived, and she didn't. [A few tears blur the words of this paragraph and the next, while the words have become somewhat shaky]
Cursed Queen, taking her away from me. When the caravan arrived, I awaited, knowing how she would bounce into my arms. She didn't. The next days are a blur. I remember hearing of one of the ruling families, Niveneh-eth, I do believe, working hard, in the next months. I remember being spoken to by someone, attempting to comfort me.
One thing I remember most, was walking amongst the crowd, amongst the boos and the jeers of refugees and citizen's alike... and I saw her. She smiled at me, and ran off. I tore through the crowd chasing her, a phantom. She giggled at my efforts, and disappeared, leaving in her place a very bewildered dark-skinned woman.
One day, I woke up. I looked down, and saw how the coin had gotten dirty. I cleaned it, and I resolved to live up to the Child of Elbahn name. She would have liked that. It was my tribute to her. My memorial. The one thing of her I had left, to hold onto. Everytime I touched that coin, I saw her face, her smile. Every conquest, was her.
Its been five long years, and my shrivelled heart is awakening again. Not in the same way, but I now wish we had had children, her and I. I know what the Tyen race is capable of. The women I had kept company with in my youth, the adults that looked over me, they were the dark side of the race, filled with pride, and fear and anger. I have seen Tyen die for Tyen. I have seen Tyen die for the city, skrel and Tir filled as it is.
This is my recollection, and how I have gotten here. This is who I am, and I do not like who I was in the years since her. I have kept my thoughts and beliefs from my youth, as they formed who I was.
I sought out the Priestess, shortly before weekly devotions. A not very remarkable woman, but for her eyes, looking through me, such as they did. Repressing a shiver, I requested, as contritely as I could, hiding my true desires, to become a Child. I recieved my coin, that symbol, that announcement of one's beliefs.
I found her, as I wore my coin proudly.The look on her face told me more than any poet or bard could: she loved me. For love I had become a Child. The Gods should have struck me down then and there for the blasphemy, or at least Elbahn should have.
After some intense negotiations with the heads of the households, we were allowed to marry. I remember Caernwhyn-radu saying something about how this marriage was great politically, and how well-bred her family was, but all I could focus on was his answer: yes. The preparations, the gifts, all of it, are blank for me. All I remember was knowing the union was completed, and that we were together at last.
Me and Wendiharan the Tenth... ironic, for she was the most unique woman I had ever known. We had four years together. Four years in a daze, lving my life by instinct, all to return home to her. I travelled I think. I sold, I cajoled, I stole, and traded secrets. All I do remember is stepping off the carriage, and seeing her there, waiting for me.
Then that last trip. For some reason I remember every detail, but those do not pertain to this recollection. I was young then, not even a real adult yet. I had thought so many false things about Tyen society, but in that last trip I saw something different, that had been there the entire time. I saw heroics and sacrifice. I wish I had not.
I curse the fact that she had been born a good woman, and now I wish in those last moments in her life, that she had chosen to be selfish, and cruel. But it was not in her, and Caernwhyn-radu lived, and she didn't. [A few tears blur the words of this paragraph and the next, while the words have become somewhat shaky]
Cursed Queen, taking her away from me. When the caravan arrived, I awaited, knowing how she would bounce into my arms. She didn't. The next days are a blur. I remember hearing of one of the ruling families, Niveneh-eth, I do believe, working hard, in the next months. I remember being spoken to by someone, attempting to comfort me.
One thing I remember most, was walking amongst the crowd, amongst the boos and the jeers of refugees and citizen's alike... and I saw her. She smiled at me, and ran off. I tore through the crowd chasing her, a phantom. She giggled at my efforts, and disappeared, leaving in her place a very bewildered dark-skinned woman.
One day, I woke up. I looked down, and saw how the coin had gotten dirty. I cleaned it, and I resolved to live up to the Child of Elbahn name. She would have liked that. It was my tribute to her. My memorial. The one thing of her I had left, to hold onto. Everytime I touched that coin, I saw her face, her smile. Every conquest, was her.
Its been five long years, and my shrivelled heart is awakening again. Not in the same way, but I now wish we had had children, her and I. I know what the Tyen race is capable of. The women I had kept company with in my youth, the adults that looked over me, they were the dark side of the race, filled with pride, and fear and anger. I have seen Tyen die for Tyen. I have seen Tyen die for the city, skrel and Tir filled as it is.
This is my recollection, and how I have gotten here. This is who I am, and I do not like who I was in the years since her. I have kept my thoughts and beliefs from my youth, as they formed who I was.
posted by Zeroth at 6:00 AM
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